Alexis on the Sexes: Be my baby

Q: Where can you find other ABDLs in Minnesota who understand what you're going through?

A: The ABDL (adult baby/diaper lovers) community in Minnesota has proven to be a very private one, even to your humble advice columnist who can usually find a local fetish group forum or at least one person who considers themselves a spokesperson for a particular community. It's understandable, as ABDLs are often miscategorized as pedophiles or pervies who view babies as sexual objects.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Adult babies enjoy being coddled and nurtured. Drinking from bottles, chewing on pacifiers, wearing Onesies and being powdered and changed are just some examples of things that they're into. They like to be the baby, so it makes no sense for them to be attracted to infants as sexual partners. They seek out adult partners who are willing to indulge their preferences with an open mind. Diaper lovers who do not engage in the above adult baby behaviors simply enjoy the sensation of wearing a diaper, either secretly under their clothes or in sexual situations where they can fill it with a bodily secretion of their choosing.

Every sexual fetish has a taboo characteristic to it (if they didn't, what would be the point?), and ABDL seems to carry a little more humility than some of the others. As a result, it was difficult to find a direction in which to point you. What I did find, though, is DiaperSpace.com. It's a national social networking site for ABDLs, with a Minnesota/Minneapolis group that currently has 14 members. Fourteen isn't a grand number, but it's a start. There you should be able to find others who will be happy to talk to you about both the difficulties and joys of the ABDL lifestyle.

Readers: Can you help our ABDL friend? If you know of a meet-up or website, or you are part of an accessible ABDL group, please send me an e-mail and I'll share the information in a future column.

Q: I recently ended a six-month friends-with-benefits relationship to date someone I'm seriously interested in. While it started out as mostly a sexual thing, we've ended up becoming good friends and still keep in touch and occasionally hang out. When we met, he was coming off of a few bad relationships and just needed a break from the dating scene. He's considerably younger than me, so we both knew seriously dating wasn't an option for us, but he's a great guy and about ready to get back out there. I have a recently single girlfriend who I think would be perfect for him. They have a lot of similar interests and compatible (I think) personalities. What are your thoughts on hooking up a friend with an ex?

A: In a situation where there were no broken hearts, no tear-soaked shoulders, no "Irreplaceable" by Beyoncé on repeat, I think you're doing your friends a favor by introducing them. If you have no romantic connection with your former FWB and the extent of your sexual relationship was just two friends helping each other out, I see no reason why you shouldn't go forth and improve a couple of lives.

The only question is whether or not to reveal that you have a sexual past with this guy. 'Tis nobler to reveal. Former hookups come and go, but good friends are for keeps. You care enough about this girlfriend to set her up with someone you think will be a perfect match for her. Spare her the embarrassing range of emotions she might feel if she finds out from someone else that your trash is her treasure.

• Alexis McKinnis is taking your questions about sex, dating and relationships. Send them to advice@vita.mn or submit anonymously at vita.mn/alexis.