Q: So, the rumor about guys eating pineapple to "taste" better -- is that true? If so, does it apply to ladies as well?
A: It's certainly possible. I have a few friends who swear that eating fresh pineapple, strawberries, bananas, oranges, apples, celery, honey or sweet spices like cinnamon and nutmeg definitely makes their sex secretions taste sweeter. I also know a few people who have tried eating pineapple every day for weeks, with the only result being a sore mouth. I've never personally conducted the experiment, but it seems that two main factors determine whether the pineapple trick works: your body chemistry and the way you naturally taste; and if you're altering your entire diet, not just adding fresh fruit.
Meat can significantly affect the flavor of your secretions, and not in a good way. Semen is fairly alkaline, and meat and other fatty foods will add to that sharp and bitter taste. Coffee, dark chocolate, booze and cigarettes will do the same thing, and should be enjoyed in moderation or completely avoided if tasty cum is the goal. (OK, perhaps "tasty" is subjective, since no matter what one consumes to alter the taste of his semen, it's still semen.)
Do the same rules apply to the ladies? Of course. You are what you eat, after all. Pineapple, melon, berries, citrus fruits and certain vegetables can all contribute to a sweeter taste and smell. A rare aromatic fruit called kepel fruit supposedly makes all of your bodily secretions smell like violets and lavender. I've never seen a kepel fruit, and apparently not many other people have, either. It's seldom cultivated in its native Indonesia, doesn't thrive in other climates and is now an endangered species. A pussy perfume tragedy.
In addition to laying off the meat (including fish, which can indeed impart a fishy taste), booze, smokes and coffee, you should also watch your intake of onions and veggies from the cabbage family. The sulfuric qualities of foods such as broccoli, cauliflower, turnips, radishes and cabbages can make your juices taste a little sharper, overpowering any sweetness you've worked to achieve. Drinking plenty of water every day will also help keep the flavor of semen and vaginal fluid milder.
It should go without saying, but you know I'm going to anyway: Do not put food in your vagina. There's a tiny party going on up there, and no one's invited but the flora, microorganisms and bacterial enzymes that work together to keep your insides healthy and irritation-free. Putting something inside you that can alter your natural pH can cause a fast case of bacterial vaginosis or a yeast infection, neither of which resembles any kind of party.
If a change in diet doesn't give you the results you're hoping for, don't sweat it. Everyone's body chemistry is different and yours might not react to eating a pound of pineapple a day. If you give it a fair shot -- let's say two weeks of eating raw fruits and vegetables while abstaining from meat and toxic vices -- and you don't detect a change, at least you're a little healthier for it.
Win tickets to the Forever Young Prom
From Aaliyah and SWV to Justin Timberlake and Outkast, the late 1990s and early 2000s definitely had the best dance music. The Forever Young Prom (May 25 at First Avenue) will be all about those jams, and you can win tickets just by submitting an advice question to me. One randomly selected winner will receive a pair of tickets to the prom! Deadline is May 21.