Q: I'm 19 and gay and have a wonderful boyfriend. Some months ago I met another boy through an online game, Colton who is 17. We started talking through the in-game chat and after a month or so, he made me talk with him through Skype. We hit it off and he's really fallen for me, saying that he loves me and he has even masturbated on cam for me. I haven't sent him any naughty pictures or anything but he has sent me some. He knows I have a boyfriend and he knows that we will never be together because of that and because he lives in Utah. Am I cheating on my boyfriend? I like Colton as a friend, I do think he is cute, he has a great body and is pretty smart but I don't love him. I have always thought it just harmless flirting but now that he is really falling for me, I don't know anymore.
A: Remember Weinergate? Last year, former U.S. Rep. Anthony Weiner of New York was busted sending dirty texts and cock shots to women he met on Twitter. A few things set it apart from the usual bad-politician-eager-intern affair. For one, he never actually met in person any of the women he was communicating with; he only exchanged messages and photos with them. He also never issued a teary public apology to his wife, nor did he ever refer to his behavior as adulterous. The fact that Weiner neither admitted to cheating nor said he was sorry didn't slip by the media, and sidebars about that popped up everywhere. Cosmopolitan polled more than 2,000 of its female readers to find out what they thought of it. A whopping 92 percent of them said Weiner's Twitter activity was cheating.
You're far from the Cosmo demographic, but that doesn't mean the views of those women are unrelated. How would you feel if you happened upon your boyfriend Skyping with other guys and masturbating to their naked photos? How would your boyfriend react if he knew what was going on? Some people are sorry only after they get caught because they don't consider the emotional damage that can result from their actions. Is your communication with Colton something you feel you'd have to apologize for? Your answers to these questions will determine whether what you're doing is cheating. If getting those answers requires you to have an open talk about what's acceptable play outside of your relationship, then do it.
Regarding Colton, stop leading him on if he's falling for you. You're certain you won't be with him and you seem more amused by him than enamored, so cut him off from sexy playtime before his feelings get really hurt. There's no reason to toy with another boy's heart, even if your boyfriend doesn't mind. And because he's 17, you could get in trouble for possessing sexual images of a minor.
Q: Just curious, why hasn't Alexis changed her photo in Vita.mn since...ah... forever? As a woman giving advice on sex, it's only fair to her readers that we see an updated photo of exactly who is giving us advice. What does she have to hide?
A: The secret's out: I'm a man. Just kidding! The truth is that I loathe being photographed, a fact to which the Vita.mn photography team will attest. My current sig photo is actually the second since Vita.mn launched in 2006, so the original is out there somewhere. I tried to find it, but my Google fu is apparently even weaker than my tolerance for sitting still for the camera. Perhaps your Google fu is better. Just look for the brunette victim of a beauty school experiment gone wrong.