Q: I was seeing this girl for about a month, almost six months ago. The sex was good although there wasn't much of a spark beyond that. I haven't really dated since then, and would like to re-establish the sex part of our relationship but nothing else. We do still text each other sometimes. How do I subtly get the point across that I'd like to reconnect as a booty-call situation? I've mixed in a few late-night flirtatious texts but she just responds with "lol" or "jk." How do get it to the next level?
A: You get it to the next level by moving on to the next girl. This one's not interested in banging you anymore, but she's not coming right out and saying it for any number of reasons. Maybe she doesn't want to have to reject you again, maybe she's really crappy at expressing her thoughts or maybe she doesn't want to embarrass either of you by plainly stating, "No thanks, I'll pass on sleeping with you again." Don't waste your time getting to the bottom of her thought process if the only salvageable thing from your relationship was the sex. You can get that anywhere -- well, pretty much -- and just because you haven't had it regularly since you dated this girl doesn't mean that she is the only source for regular sex.
Lacking in the spring-loaded boner department, we ladies don't tend to get too excited over a text from someone we decided to stop banging six months ago. You only dated for a month, which -- sorry, bro -- tells me she didn't regard you as the smartest, funniest, sexiest and most talented cunnilinguist she's ever met. What are you bringing to the table now besides an occasional roll in the hay when you're buzzed and bored? Also, what do you know about her relationship situation? In addition to not being interested, she may very well be involved with someone else.
If you think I'm way off and you're convinced she totally wants you but just isn't picking up on your subtle hints, then don't be so subtle. Switch your game from "You should come over sometime" to "I want your body in my bed right now." If she shrugs you off with another "lol" then send something like "No lol, just yes or no and I'm serious." You might not get the answer you were hoping for, but you really have nothing to lose. You've already slept with her and don't want a relationship with her. If you get shot down, it's barely gonna sting.
Q: Is it weird that I like to be watched when I masturbate? Turns me on more when someone is watching.
A: Nope, not weird at all. If you're looking for statistical numbers on the prevalence of getting off with an audience, there aren't any. However, based on the sheer volume of porno movies, erotica anthologies and Internet forums dedicated to the rush of putting on a show, I can assure you that it's very normal.
Unless you're creeping around school playgrounds with your wiener out or renting hotel rooms solely for the purpose of "getting caught" by unsuspecting hotel maids, getting off while someone watches is a healthy form of mild exhibitionism. Solo mutual masturbation is old hat for plenty of couples who like to watch and be watched, and I can't think of a single online porn hub that doesn't have multiple channels dedicated to amateur clips of people masturbating. I only ask that you find willing voyeurs, who exist in abundance both in chat rooms and in person, and leave the innocent women of the hospitality industry alone.