Alexis on the Sexes: Bi-obvious

Updated 12/13/2012

Boys who do girls like they're boys ...

Q: I am a gay man in a committed relationship with my boyfriend Don. Don occasionally has anal sex with a female co-worker, usually when they are drunk. It has never really bothered me because they are safe, they were doing this well before Don and I started dating, and they fully disclosed it to me. If a gay man has anal sex with a woman, is he gay, or bi-curious?

A: First of all, how sure are you that Don and his co-worker are being honest about their relationship? It is highly unlikely that, somewhere between martini No. 4 and the last cigarette of the night, this woman simply drops her pants and gets down on all fours so Don can get off before he heads home for the evening. They kiss, they fondle and they almost certainly have vaginal intercourse. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you have exclusive canoodling rights over Don. You were the last person invited to this party, and it was raging long before you got there.

You're asking whether your boyfriend is gay or bi-curious, but don't you already know the answer? Even if he were exclusively having anal sex with this woman -- which he's not -- he's still having sex with a woman. The term bi-curious implies uncertainty as to whether or not an individual has fully explored or established his sexual preference. There's no "curiosity" here. Curiosity would be a gay man having sex with a woman once or twice to see if he enjoyed it at all. Your boyfriend clearly likes having sex with women, as he's been doing it for a while. He also likes having sex with men. That's the textbook definition of bisexual, so there's your answer.

So, surprise, you're in an open relationship with a bisexual partner. It's a safe place to be as long as you are completely honest with each other. Your boyfriend can start by disclosing the full nature of his romantic relationship with his co-worker. You can start by laying down some rules as far as what's appropriate and what's not outside of the bed that you two share. If you need help navigating those waters, just send up an Alexis flare.

Q: I recently stumbled onto manscaping. Once you trim the black, you can't go back. My wife sees the metamorphosis as "mouthwatering." There's my motivation! Maintenance is streamlined with my trusty Philips Norelco Bodygroom. Daily grooming wards off that pesky itching. But how do guys deal with the very annoying sticky scrotum? Testicles touching thighs in a warm environment is a nasty and uncomfortable combo. I have had some success with corn starch applied to the genital area. In addition, snugger briefs give the private parts a little lift and seem to lessen the skin-to-skin contact and resulting sweat.

A: A lot of my dude friends who work in the restaurant industry buy something called Prickly Heat Powder, which can be found at most large Asian markets for around $5. In addition to being an absorbent powder, it also cools the skin with menthol, which can alleviate a too-warm sensation. Your testicles are going to touch your thighs; there's not much you can do about that. Dusting the goods with an absorbent powder fresh out of the shower, in addition to wearing a proper pair of cotton skivvies, is about the best you can do to keep things dry down there. If it becomes too much of a nuisance, then you can always go back to a more natural state, maybe even shaving on occasion. Your wife presumably had no problem with a little fur on the balls before you started manscaping it off.

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Alexis McKinnis is taking your questions about sex, dating and relationships. Send them to advice@vita.mn or submit anonymously here. Don’t leave out the juicy details!