You made your list, you checked it twice...and now you're panicking because you have no idea what to get for your significant (or not-so-significant) other. Don't worry, I've got you covered.
For your darling husband who, despite his best intentions, just isn't much of a go-getter in bed: Sure, you guys have a no-gift policy, but this one is for both of you. Pack up a manly basket full of lusty items, starting with some stamina supplements from your local vitamin store. NOW Men's Virility Power and Solaray ViraMax are full of safe, circulation-boosting vitamins and herbs that help balance male hormones. Your local porn shop has everything else you need: a very adult DVD featuring a fantasy you've never indulged before (current popular titles include "Gangbanged" and "My Daughter's Boyfriend"), a stretchy vibrating cock ring for him (the Screaming O is tried and true) and a set of trashy, throwaway lingerie. Save the romance for Valentine's Day and tell him all you want this year is to get your stocking stuffed.
For your loving wife who just confided that she's open to trying anal: So your lady in the streets wants to be a freak between the cheeks. The lube you use for everyday fun might not do the trick for back-door play. Slippery Stuff's gel formula is tasteless and odorless, and the water-based formula means it's safe for use with condoms. This thick gel stays in place and is perfect for anal sex, or just messing around with toys. The Casanova Silicone Anal Toy is slim and great for beginners, and will help relax her for the real deal. If wifey also recently admitted she's a fan of the "Fifty Shades" series, buy yourself a gray jacquard necktie. It'll look great on her, wrapped around her wrists.
For your girlfriend of 10 months: She's drop-dead gorgeous and always the life of the party, yet she chooses to be with you. Remind her of that choice nightly with a Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System. Arrange the four straps how you see fit and attach your lady to them via adjustable cuffs. For nights on the town, get the OhMiBod Club Vibe 2.OH, a wearable vibrator that slips into her panties. It buzzes manually by a wireless remote control, or on its own in club mode, vibing in time to the music. Bask in the "What's she doing with him?" stares.
For the guy who just took you on a fifth date: It's probably not time to confess your deepest shiny-rubber-suit fantasies. But you are on the precipice of full-body exploration, so make it a combination of fun and flirtatious. Book theme: a copy of "World War Z: The Oral History of the Zombie Wars" and a copy of "Oral Sex She'll Never Forget." Sports theme: a pair of Timberwolves tickets and a three-pack of condoms. Seasonal: a pair of heavy woolen mittens and a set of cinnamon- and peppermint-flavored massage oils.
For that vegan office crush: She's younger than you, hotter than you and probably the fantasy lay of every one of your co-workers. Stand out in the khaki crowd by playing it cool and keeping it clean. Intelligent Nutrients just opened another location at the Mall of America, where you'll find great certified organic beauty products made with the environment and the safety of animals in mind. For added impact, give little gifts to all the women in the office so your crush knows how thoughtful you are. Just make sure hers is the best one.
For that person you bang sometimes, but not exclusively, and only after 2 a.m.: An extra round of oral next time. Nothing says "I only love you when I'm drunk" like sloppy head.