Alexis on the Sexes: Oral argument

Updated 2/27/2013

She goes downtown, he stays uptown. Also: Roomies give marriage a bad name.

Editor’s note: Alexis is doing her taxes. Here’s a classic from the AOTS vault.


Q: How can I get my boyfriend to go down on me? We never did it when we started, and now he never offers to return the favor. I feel like he should do it without me asking. How can I hint without being rude? Name withheld

A: Wait, what?

You give your boyfriend blow jobs during sex, he never performs or even offers a little lingual action in return, and you’re concerned about being polite? It’s not just your manners that need to be put in check.

You both need a sharp lesson in bedroom etiquette. If you can’t ask him for some labial love, then your budding sex life is doomed before it’s even bloomed. Plainly put, if you can’t communicate on the basic level of requesting a simple sexual favor, then maybe you shouldn’t be granting them to him, or to anyone else. I shudder to think about the brevity of your STD and birth-control chats.

As far as your boyfriend is concerned: Something as natural as oral sex should be an automatic part of your bedroom groove because it feels as good to give as it does to receive (well, usually). I suspect the root of his problem is fear of embarrassment from lack of experience. He probably hasn’t given much lip service in the past and isn’t open to criticism, even of the most constructive variety.

Oral sex doesn’t have to be quid pro quo, but you shouldn’t have to ask for it every single time, either. Tell your boyfriend what you want in whatever language is comfortable for you. If he’s still unwilling to deliver the goods downtown, then it’s time to find a different supplier.


Q: Both of my roommates are dating married men, one of whom decided to move in without my knowledge. Marriage seems to have become a joke and is tainted. All my dreams of becoming married have gone down the drain. Is there any chance for true love and happiness? Molly

A: Your roommates sound pretty lame. They’re attracted to the taboo of sleeping with another woman’s husband rather than the possibility of a lasting relationship, so you’re right to think they’re treating adultery as a novelty. The joke will be on them, though, when their cheating boyfriends either pass them up for the next pretty playgirl or return to the comfort of the home they already made with their wives.

You’re also right to respect the sanctity of marriage, so bravo for not turning your house into one of total shame. Now take those morals one step further and tell your roommate that it’s her unauthorized houseguest or you.

If the ultimatum sends you packing instead of him, consider it a lucky thing and find some new friends who take life and love a little more seriously.

Ask Alexis
Alexis McKinnis is taking your questions about sex, dating and relationships. Send them to [email protected] or submit anonymously here. Don’t leave out the juicy details!