Alexis on the Sexes: Nice bangs

ALEXIS MCKINNIS , Vita.mn | Updated 4/24/2013

App helps Facebook friends hook up.

Q: What’s your take on Bang With Friends?

A: You mean the app that allows you to anonymously click through your Facebook friends and choose which buddies you’d bang if you had the opportunity, and then notifies you if the feeling is mutual? I think it’s great. The only way your friends can find out that you’re down to bang is if they’re interested, too, so the risk of rejection is virtually nonexistent.

The only trouble with Bang With Friends comes when it’s time to actually hook up. I’ve never tried the app myself—I’m a purist who employs the Drink With Friends and See What Happens app — but some of my friends use it and have achieved varying levels of sexual success.

Bang With Friends is a playful way to break the ice, but when it comes to closing the deal, some people get cold feet. Others are just plain lazy and don’t follow through, even after two clicks did all the work for them. The app was ridiculously successful right out of the gate; 20,000 people tested the BWF waters within four days of its launch. The app now has more than 850,000 users, but there’s no way to accurately determine if these people are banging each other. I suspect a lot more folks use the app for reconnaissance on crushes. What better, safer way to find out if you have a shot with your roommate’s impossibly hot younger sister?

The anonymous developers of Bang With Friends say they’re working on extending it for broader use (it currently caters to straight bangers only), but maybe they should make it more exclusive. The top dating apps out there connect singles with specialized interests: Tagged for the gamers, Jazzed for the shutterbugs, Grindr for the gays, How About We for the adventurers, etc. What about a truth-or-dare type app? Earn a date with me by walking into Fogo de Chão on Friday evening, standing in the middle of the dining room and belting out Britney Spears’ “Piece of Me” while seductively unbuttoning your coat. I’d totally download that.

Q: If I’m in a monogamous relationship and I perform for money on a sex cam website and don’t tell my partner, does that make me a cheater?

A: Withholding information because it might upset your partner is not necessarily cheating, but it is a dick move. It’s one thing to get paid to take your clothes off for strangers; it’s quite another to keep that information from your boyfriend or girlfriend. If you’re keeping it secret because it would upset him or her, then you need to either come clean or find a different part-time job.

As our culture becomes more open-minded about sex, we’re getting less hung up on things that probably wouldn’t fly with our parents’ generation. If your mom got a job dancing at the local strip club — sorry for the visual — would your dad just shrug his shoulders and go back to checking his Yahoo mail? Probably not. However, sex work isn’t such a big deal for the next generation, especially if it’s on the Internet. Did you know that the most popular adult website in existence is a webcam hub? LiveJasmin.com gets 32 million visitors a month, which indicates to me that the job isn’t all that unusual.

Talk to your partner about the webcamming. You could be keeping a secret for no reason; I don’t think anything of it and my opinions are pretty solid. Sometimes withholding information is the same as lying, and that inevitably blows up in your face.

Ask Alexis
Alexis McKinnis is taking your questions about sex, dating and relationships. Send them to advice@vita.mn or submit anonymously here. Don’t leave out the juicy details!