Q: Dude, how far up your own butt is your head if you think that just because YOU don’t know anyone who’s unemployed, the economy doesn’t suck (“Easy Money,” June 6)? Are you a 5-year-old who can’t comprehend what the world is like beyond their own circumstances and the circumstances of people directly around them? Are you illiterate and can’t read news stories that talk about how shitty the economy/job market still is for many people? Try reading up on some numbers before you write your fucking column, lest you come off like an ignorant, insensitive douche. Just because you’re not hurting doesn’t mean other people aren’t hurting.
A: Actually, I’m 35 and quite literate. I’m also educated and eloquent, which, I imagine, is largely why I’m employed writing this column. I’m not bad at it, either. I diligently research each topic and bookmark all supporting data, should I want to include it here to entertain or educate readers. For instance, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the Minneapolis-St. Paul area has been holding steadily at a 4.8 to 4.9 percent unemployment rate. That’s the lowest since 2007! Yes, some people are hurting, but poverty is an unfortunate reality of a mixed economy.
Name-calling, argumentative and occasionally creepy letters are an unfortunate reality of this column. Here are a couple more from the inbox:
Q: I felt obligated to respond to your “test” of holding out your purse to gauge a man’s assertiveness (“Beta Male,” May 23). I think it is an extremely lame way to judge someone, particularly on one act alone. Couldn’t it just be, rather than a determinant of a man’s alpha or beta typecast, that the dude who takes the purse is simply trying to be cordial, kind, a gentleman, or that it is simply a reaction to you giving him ANYTHING (a purse, a wallet, a coat, a bag)? The whole thing seems childish and stupid to me and does not seem to fit with the type of stuff you usually write.
A: I received more negative responses regarding my “purse test” than anything else I’ve ever written in this column. Yours was the nicest. My friends and colleagues do occasionally accuse me of being gender-divisive in casual conversation. It’s a trait I’m aware of and one that I try to keep out of my writing, but I did let it slip here. Mea culpa. If it makes me seem any less childish, I can’t think of an instance when I’d even need someone else to hold my handbag. I’m an adult and can manage my own accessories, thank you.
Q: Is it acceptable for me to fantasize taking you in a dress, with no panties, from behind? I just wanna know.
A: Fantasies are a natural, healthy element of sexuality. They help us explore our imaginations and discover not only those things that appeal to us sexually, but where our boundaries lie. Generally, those boundaries are situated right on the precipice of acting on said fantasies. What I’m saying is that you can envision that scenario all you like, but lest you be subjected to unimaginable bodily harm at the hands of my loved ones, and find yourself served with a restraining order, you should keep your hands in your pockets and keep walking if you ever see me on the street.
Q: Do you ever get random creepy dudes (or dudettes) trying to get their mack on you through your column?
A: No, never.