Alexis on the Sexes: Fast friends

ALEXIS MCKINNIS , | Updated 8/21/2013

He dumped her and already misses her. Plus: Cleaning up the male potty process.

Q: Last Friday I broke it off with a woman I had been seeing for a couple of months. I gave her the honest reason: I like her but I don’t love her, and that’s what I’m looking for. But I have been feeling kinda bad about it, not because I think I made the wrong decision but because I do care about her and think we could be friends now or in the future. But I think her feelings were stronger than mine. Is it weird to, say, text and ask how she’s doing after a week? Or a month? Or ever? I’m not often friends with women I’ve dated, so I’m not sure what the protocol is.

A: It’s easy to forget how it feels to be the dumpee when you’re the one who did the dumping, especially if you were dating for just a couple of months. We’ve all done it: broken up with someone because we don’t feel the same spark, then just assumed their feelings would magically dissipate. We send a text a week later — “Hey, just passed by a Smart Car and remembered our hilarious conversation about how dumb they are, hope you’re having a great day!” The recipient likely stares at it for 30 seconds before finally exhaling and yelling, “Why are you messing with me?!”

If she was more into the relationship than you were, then just leave her alone. It sucks to lose an opportunity at friendship, but you can always hold out hope for that in the future. Give her the space she needs to get over you and move on to her next relationship. More often than not, it takes meeting a new someone to stop thinking about an old someone. If the two of you had everything else in common but that romantic spark, she may come back around looking for friendship once she’s over you. That’s on her, though. Don’t go messing with her feelings just because you want a movie buddy for the weekend.

Q: Why do men pee standing up? It just seems to make so much more sense to sit down — they don’t have to worry about spraying the pee everywhere. Unless they’re camping in the woods or peeing at a public urinal, why would they bother with the acrobatics of standing?

A: Standing still beats the fuss of sitting down. Most dudes simply unzip and whip it out when they need to go. Compare that to the female ritual of essentially undressing from the waist down every couple hours just to empty the bladder, and you can see why a guy might prefer a quicker, more convenient route.

Those droplets that often end up around the toilet rim and across the floor? They’re most likely from the shake. The urethra still has a little bit of urine in it even after the bladder is emptied, so some sort of shaking or milking maneuver is needed to get all of it out. Failing to execute this last step can result in piddle down the front of the pants, so guys tend not to skip it. The act of urination itself isn’t the problem, but ironically, it’s that last clean-up step that makes the mess.

This is why urinals are such a great invention. No undressing required, no spraying pee and little to no water required to flush. Short of installing a urinal in your own bathroom (Home Depot offers several options online), I don’t know how to make the male home-urination experience any more clean and efficient. I suppose a guy could pee in the sink and give it a quick rinse afterward. Urine from a healthy male is sterile and free of bacteria. There’s a definite squick factor there for a lot of folks, but come on, I know y’all do grosser things in the bedroom.

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