Alexis on the Sexes: Swing low

ALEXIS MCKINNIS , | Updated 11/11/2013

Sexually adventurous guy can’t get it up.

Q: My wife and I are very sexually active. We have participated in group activities and swinging. She has had girlfriends, some of whom she has brought home to me. We watch porn, play with toys and go on sexy retreats. She is beautiful and sexy and always ready to go. However, lately I have not been so ready. We go for weeks without having sex and I can’t understand why. I catch myself looking at her beautiful figure while she walks around the house and I get aroused. I masturbate frequently. But when we get into bed, I’d rather roll over and go to sleep. There will also be times when I do get ready to go, and halfway through, my soldier will just give up. She is very understanding and supportive, and it doesn’t affect our relationship. But I do know that I am depriving her of something that she needs and I want to find a solution.


A: Have your testosterone level checked. It’s a simple blood test that your doctor should be more than happy to order up if you let him know your libido has taken a nosedive and you’re not sure why. According to, a guy’s testosterone level starts declining around age 30, by roughly 1 percent each year. It’s nothing to worry over, since it’s just nature’s way of letting you know that, if you’re interested in procreating, you might want to do it while you’re still young and strong. The same thing happens with the ladies; our fertility peaks in our 20s, with an accelerated decline usually after age 35. Who wants to be gray-haired, brittle and chasing after a toddler?

There are a few surprising additional factors. A British study found that stock traders who had higher levels of testosterone achieved higher profits. Likewise, those with lower testosterone made less money. We’re left to speculate whether testosterone is the chicken or the egg. How are things at work? If this year isn’t looking as prosperous as the last, it could be affecting your sex life. Workplace stress can also be a factor: Friction between you and your co-workers or boss can affect your desire for sex.

Have you recently suffered a bout with the flu, mono or other immune-attacking virus? Some doctors hypothesize that, while the body is fighting off a bug, it’s simultaneously neglecting to maintain a healthy level of testosterone. Maybe you’ve gotten a little heavier around the middle? Overweight men tend to have lower levels of testosterone. Obesity goes hand-in-hand with inflammation inside the body, which has been associated with the suppression of testosterone.

If your doctor finds that your testosterone levels are out of whack, he might suggest hormone therapy. In addition to the clinical route, there are a couple of tweaks you can make to your daily routine to help get your libido back to where it was. Exercise is key — not only does it reduce stress, but it increases circulation, which is crucial to keeping an erection hard for the long haul. A balanced diet that includes vitamin-rich vegetables, healthy fats (like avocados), bananas, flax seeds, ginger, honey, nutmeg, cloves and dark chocolate can also help kick-start a slack libido.

Try breaking a bit from the norm. If sex with your wife tends to happen once you both turn in for the night, then try some one-on-one in the middle of the day. Familiarity is a famous libido killer, as is a racing mind. Try initiating sex at a time your wife least expects it, when neither of you is focused on what time you have to get up in the morning or the tasks that await you once the alarm clock goes off. There’s nothing sexy about routine sex. Even when you’ve maneuvered the local swingers’ circuit, it’s still easy to fall into a rut when it comes to getting laid.

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