Alexis on the Sexes: Casual female

ALEXIS MCKINNIS , Vita.mn | Updated 12/2/2013

She’s happily single, but misses the sex.

Q: I’m an attractive, intelligent 37-year old-woman who’s been happily single for about two years. My gut tells me that this part of my life is just about learning to be really happy in my own skin and able to take care of myself emotionally, financially and physically. I enjoy everything about my life, my friends, going out and doing the things I love — but I miss sex. Since I’m not looking for a deep emotional/spiritual connection, just someone attractive, fun and not sleazy, I could use some help identifying where and how I make it happen. I’m not the passive type, so putting on a short skirt and sitting at a bar waiting for someone to decide they want to talk to me won’t cut it. At the same time, I don’t think I’d enjoy seeing a guy and saying, “You’re hot. Wanna go have sex?” What’s the middle ground where I get to have satisfying sex without putting myself in danger or acting like a moron?

 

A: You sound awesome, you know that? It’s really nice to hear from a confident, single and happy woman who’s satisfied with her life, save for a little thing called sex. You make no mention of a ticking biological clock or, more impressively, a desire to find a husband. You keep doing you.

If I were you, I’d stick to more chill, age-appropriate bars. Despite how easy it is to hook up at campus watering holes and Uptown hot spots on weekends, they probably exemplify the sleaze you’re trying to avoid. There’s no shortage of friendly, attractive, approachable men at places like the Lyndale Tap House (where I host trivia), the Bulldog, Mac’s Industrial, Eli’s Food & Cocktails and Psycho Suzi’s.

The best way to meet new people is in a group environment when there’s little pressure. This is why people who participate in activities like trivia nights, bar or taproom crawls, scavenger hunts, coed sports leagues and indoor climbing groups are never lonely for long. Find something that interests you, grab a girlfriend who’s cool with you ditching her if you get lucky, and go have some fun. As far as approaching guys, just think about what you’d want to hear if they approached you first. Pay a compliment, smile, flirt. Don’t worry about planting the seed for some sex later — they’re already thinking about it (and maybe even hoping it’s all you want).

Finally, don’t overlook your own circle of friends. Is there a single guy you know who you wouldn’t mind seeing naked once in a while? Friends-with-benefits is nice because it’s an understanding between two adults that, when convenient for both parties, some hot sex happens. Being with someone who’s familiar also tends to put a girl at ease, which makes the sex that much more enjoyable.

 

Q: Because it makes me feel more clean, I use flushable moist wipes down there before and after sex. However, I’m aware that they are terrible for the environment. Do you have any ideas for alternatives, other than taking the time to shower?

 

A: Swipes Lovin Wipes are all-natural, flushable wipes made from 98-percent renewable resources. They’re free from chemicals and made in the U.S. with organic ingredients. You can order them at Swipes.com and Amazon, or find them in select Walgreens stores. Baby wipes are also quite handy, and there are some good brands out there that are better for the environment than the phthalate- and paraben-laden brands on store shelves. Aleva Naturals baby wipes are made from bamboo, which is a faster-renewing resource than wood pulp or cotton. They’re also vegan, chemical-free and 100 percent biodegradable. I found them on iHerb.com and Amazon. Bum Boosa Bamboo Baby Wipes also boast the same Earth- and body-friendly properties, and you can buy those at Diapers.com and Amazon.

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