Alexis on the Sexes: No pressure

ALEXIS MCKINNIS , | Updated 1/8/2014

Boyfriend’s ejaculatory power ebbs and flows. Are they doing it wrong?

Q: My boyfriend of two years and I have a pretty adventurous sex life, and our life in the sack is generally pretty aces. There is one thing that I’m growing increasingly self-conscious about, though. If I’m finishing him off, there seems to be a huge difference in the, uh, power of his ejection. Sometimes it spouts off like a sexy Roman candle, but other times it’ll just ooze out with the excitement of a nearly spent toothpaste tube being pushed to its limit.

He claims that there is no difference to him, but I feel like it might be something I’m doing wrong if it’s just dribbling out. I trust him to tell me the truth, but in all honesty, I’ve met very few guys who will complain about any attention they are getting downstairs. Is it me, or is this pressure differential normal?


A: Your boyfriend will likely never complain about the force of his ejaculation as long as you two are maintaining a happy and healthy sex life. You’re both satisfied and he’s not having a problem reaching orgasm, so what’s there to complain about, right? Even if he was interested in increasing the distance his semen travels, he’d probably research it on his own before mentioning it to you. And if he did look into increasing the power of his load, he might come across the following fun ejaculation facts:

Waiting at least 24 hours between orgasms will increase semen projection, as well as volume. Waiting another 24 hours will intensify the effect. He’ll want to clean the pipes after two days, though; ejaculating at least five times a week is healthy for the prostate and boosts the good neurochemicals in the brain.

Using the edging technique during sex can help his semen go the distance. Edging is simply bringing him close to orgasm, then backing off the stimulation a little bit, then doing it again (and again) until he can’t take it anymore and is ready to explode. This can be done manually, orally, vaginally — whatever he’s into.

Kegels are his friend, for a few different reasons. Strengthening the pelvic floor muscles through exercise isn’t just helpful for far-reaching ejaculate; it also makes orgasms stronger and can give your boyfriend better control over when he ejaculates. Squeeze those inside muscles like you’re trying to keep from peeing your pants. Hold for five seconds and do that 20 times, three times a day.

Age is a factor. Semen projection will naturally decrease as your boyfriend gets older, which is a good thing, according to biology. The apoptosis process kills off damaged cells we don’t need. As we age, the process becomes less efficient, resulting in a higher percentage of damaged or unhealthy sperm cells in older men. The fewer of those there are flying around, the better.

You are partly responsible for your man’s difference in ejaculate pressure, but in the best way. If you guys are going for round three already and it’s not even lunchtime, it’s going to be more of an ooze. If you’ve been giving him one of your trademark teasing blow jobs for the last 30 minutes, expect a volcanic-like eruption. It doesn’t matter whether he shoots or dribbles — you’re both enjoying great sex, so, score.

Ask Alexis
Alexis McKinnis is taking your questions about sex, dating and relationships. Send them to [email protected] or submit anonymously here. Don’t leave out the juicy details!