Q: I have a somewhat unusual predicament: I've met a woman who actually doesn't like receiving oral sex because after only a few minutes, she gets overstimulated and it becomes prohibitively uncomfortable. We've found foreplay workarounds, but I'd really like to find a way to provide her with this singular pleasure. Any suggestions for a technique that'll be less stimulating for her, but still move the action in a positive direction?
A: You know how, as a guy, when you get done having really intense intercourse, or you get a blow job with an extraneous number of licks to the glans, your wang gets super-sensitive? Like, "Don't touch me or I'll go into convulsions?" A lot of women start to get that twitchy sensation after just a few minutes of stimulation, whether it's from vaginal intercourse, a vibrator or even just a little tongue to the clit. (OK, I don't have a penis, but I imagine it's pretty much the same thing.) If your girlfriend can get off from other types of touching, it might just be your oral technique that needs a little tweaking.
They call it oral sex instead of clitoral sex for a reason: Your mouth should be everywhere, and I don't just mean the space between her hips. Nipples, hands, thighs, knees, toes, the back of her neck, the small of her back; these are all places you should be kissing before and during a good girl-head session. Once you are all up in her vulva, make sure the clitoral hood is completely covering the clitoris underneath, and unless you'd prefer to spend the rest of the evening coaxing her down from the ceiling, resist the urge to start tugging at the labia to get better access. When it starts to get intense, lay off and focus on her other erogenous zones, then slowly work your way back, giving her time to relax.
The manner in which you move your tongue around is, of course, very important. There's a magnificent, practically orgasm-guaranteeing technique called the Kivin Method, which relies on two key elements for pleasure. The first is the angle at which you're lapping: Basically you're perpendicular to her body, creating a right angle. The goal here is to gently sweep your tongue across the hood of her clitoris from side to side (rather than up and down), a closer simulation of the motion she probably uses while masturbating. Remember to keep the hood in place. This position also allows you to more easily move around to other sexy parts of her body.
The second focus of the Kivin Method is on her perineum (or "taint," to use freshman terminology), which is the little patch of skin between her vagina and her anus. Push on her perineum with a fingertip and have her pretend to hold back a stream of pee; you'll both feel her pelvic floor muscles contracting. These are the magic muscles that make orgasms, so if you keep gentle pressure on this area while gently lapping at her clit, you'll give her a satisfying "inside" orgasm without overstimulating her on the outside.
The other beauty of the Kivin Method is that it will allow your girlfriend to position her legs however she feels most comfortable. It might be really arousing for you to assume the porn position (legs spread-eagle in the air), but not all women particularly enjoy being reminded of metal stirrups and speculums while you peer into every millimeter of our lady parts.
You might be able to reduce (or hopefully eliminate) that shuddering cringe factor for her, but I also want to remind you that she doesn't currently like oral sex and you might not change that. If you try these techniques, cool. If they work, awesome. Just don't push her into repeatedly trying something she can't enjoy, because you'll end up making her feel crappy about not being able to give you what you want in bed.
- ASK ALEXIS: Alexis McKinnis is taking your questions about sex, dating or relationships. Send it to [email protected], and don't leave out the juicy details.