Those ancient Mayans were a total drag, man, predicting an apocalyptic bummer for Dec. 21, 2012. Unless, of course, they were just trying to scare us into partying like it's Armageddon for one night (in which case, respect). We're all about unfettered nights out, but should we all wake up in the morning, saving some cash at the bar couldn't hurt
2203 44th Av. N., Mpls. • 612-588-2228 • www.victory-44.com
For your last meal, rectum-wrecking red meat is the way to go. Offering a nifty money-saver, you know, should the world not end, Victory 44 serves its normally $14 Perfect Burger at half-price from 5 to 5:44 p.m. daily with a drink purchase (in the face of the apocalypse, you're going to be drinking anyway). But if there is a tomorrow you'll have an extra seven bones in your pocket.
2021 Hennepin Av. S., Mpls.• 612-870-8183 • www.lylesliquor.com
Sturdy, windowless and stocked with booze, Lyle's is a perfect end-of-times bunker. As you come to grips with your potentially final hours, whiskey can help, and Lyle's pours $3 Jamesons from 11 p.m. to close nightly. It might burn a little going down, but not as bad as a fiery reckoning day.
Aqua Nightclub and Lounge
400 1st Av. N., Mpls. • 612-232-3232 • www.aquampls.com
A pre-apocalyptic love sesh would be a climactic swan song. But if you can't go out with, uh, a bang, a dance-floor dry-hump is the next best/grossest thing. Aqua can provide the venue and cheap lubrication (i.e. booze), as every Friday the club offers two-for-one drinks and Coronas from open to midnight, and two-for-one Patron shots until 1 a.m. After enough hooch, that "world is ending" pickup line just might work.