Snip those “WWJD?” bracelets, kids. Sure, the simple Christian rubric might lead to a life of humility and kindness, but wouldn’t it be more fun to ask yourself, “What would Yeezus do?” Without an official book of Kanye West’s teachings, we look to some of his headline-grabbing antics for wisdom and guidance.
Love like a baller
Perhaps it was out of reverence to the holy covenant of marriage that Kanye proposed to reality star and socialite Kim Kardashian last week in rom-com/fantasy fashion. At the very least, renting out the San Francisco Giants’ AT&T Park and hiring a 50-piece orchestra for his “marry me” pitch asserted his major-league-baller status. How many mission trips do you suppose Kim’s new 15-carat rock could pay for?
Don’t turn the other cheek?
It wasn’t the most Christ-like move when Kanye recently sent out a barrage of playground/locker room dis tweets toward Jimmy Kimmel after being parodied on his late-night talk show. The profanity-laced and sometimes sexist jabs likened Kimmel to SpongeBob and (oh, snap!) jeered that his “face looks crazy.” Still, credit Kanye for eventually making nice and coining the hashtag #nodisrespecttobenaffleck.
Seek justice through jackassery
Like a drunken soldier of righteousness, Kanye infamously took it upon himself to stick up for Beyoncé after he felt the singer undeservedly lost an MTV VMA award to pop-country starlet Taylor Swift in 2009. Crashing Swift’s acceptance speech to cry foul may not have been the noblest crusade, but Ye’s not one to let perceived corruption go unchecked. Remember that time he said George W. Bush doesn’t care about black people?
Forgive no trespasses (from the paparazzi)
There’s probably a special place in hell for the paparazzi, and there’s little reason to believe Kanye has any compassion for the privacy invaders. West has a rocky history with celebrity photographers and is currently facing misdemeanor battery and attempted grand theft charges after an incident at LAX this summer. Had Jesus lived in the TMZ era, we’re guessing the paparazzi would test his patience, too.